I dont want to be in a box ( my confessions as a mother)

When i was a child my step father used to sing a song about people growing up and doing the same things, thinking the same, and living in little boxes in rows that were all the same. I hate boxes, i hate being categorized, and I hate that as a society we do it. Cant we all just be individuals?

In high school I never fit in one category. I was a complete loner that had no close relationships with boys or girls, didn't go to any dances, and spent my weekends working at a job so i could hoard my money away in the bank because i never spent a dime. That is not entirely true actually i spent money to be a cheerleader. Yes that is right, I also was a cheerleader which makes no sense really since I was not popular, not wealthy, not living on the east side ( in salt lake city the west siders that rode the bus to school were sub standard in the cool index and usually did not participate in things like cheer leading). I loved to cheer though. I loved to be loud and energetic and no one told me to be quiet or calm down since as a cheerleader you are supposed to act like that. I just never found a nitch for myself. I wanted to be the popular skinny bubbly girl with lots of friends and boys fawning at her feet. But i had to many qualities that wouldn't let that happen such as I was a total nerd that loved to read ( about a novel a day), had no money to buy all the in style clothes to fit in with said popular kids, I loved classical music and was completely out of it with current music/movies/the media in general. I also was not a follower and i hated doing things just to do them because everyone else was. So I was a loner cheerleader and hated high school and thankfully found out college wasn't as bad.

Now motherhood on the other hand... i swear i am so sick of people trying categorize parenting. I don't fit in any of those boxes either. I am not strictly attachment style, or follow a certain book, or just do what ever my pediatrician says to. I tend to just be ME. I do what feels right to me, I do what i chose to after I research it and make a decision, I do what works for us as a family so that we are all somewhat running smoothly. I also tend to not tell people about my parenting ideas, because I don't want to hear their opinions on how so and so in such and such book says it will ruin my kids forever. I figure to each their own. As long as its not abuse I am gonna do it my way and I don't care if other people do it different.

So i am me, take it or leave it. I am my own style of parenting. I don't usually share my thoughts, but here they are. Remember I don't tell you what to do so please don't tell me i am doing it all wrong!

I co sleep with my babies the first year. I like it. I LOVE it. They don't wake up and cry in the night and i can feed them when they start to stir and we all sleep better because Cory and the baby don't even wake up and I barely have to just long enough to latch said kid on. Around a year the kid starts driving me nuts and kicking me in the head or snoring and so that is when i don't enjoy it anymore so out they go to the other room. I don't co sleep because i think that all kids should sleep with their parents until they are 5 or when they want to move out. I do it because it works for me when they nurse in the night. When it stops helping us all sleep and starts hindering it they are out!

I breastfeed. I love this too. I feed on demand, meaning if the kid is hungry i feed them! Seems silly to me to tell my kid " sorry if you are thirsty but you still have 20 minutes to go till you can have a drink" I would be pretty cranky if someone told me that! So sometimes i nurse every hour, sometimes its every 4 hours. Pretty much its whenever my kid needs it. As they get older i find it naturally spreads out and turns into a typical adult idea of when to eat. I love to breastfeed and I do it everywhere. I don't think i should have to go in another room. God made breasts to feed my baby. If it grosses you out, then you need therapy to get over the idea that breasts are NOT for breastfeeding! I will feed my baby in restaurants, church meetings, movie theatres family gatherings, the park, everywhere. I hate when people make me feel like I shouldn't. I don't tell them where to bottle feed their baby. I don't think they should tell me how/where to feed mine. Oh and for the record I don't have any issues with people who breastfeed for 18 months or two years. I do however find it a bit creepy when people are breastfeeding a five year old.

I like to wear Preston in a baby wrap. I don't do this because I read it on a website that said my baby would be better adjusted or anything. I do it because he will cry if i put him down, and if by chance he doesn't than is about 2 minutes Theo will poke him in the eye and then he will cry. So really I carry him around all day for his own protection! I don't like hearing babies cry either, breaks my heart. I also have found its easier that just holding him because than my hands are free. Plus if you wear the baby while going on walks then it burns more calories! Oh and then no one can see your post baby belly too. So really, I do it for selfish reasons, not because i am one o those people that thinks the baby should always be worn like its a necklace or something. On the other hand I do like to hold my kids a lot. I don't think Porter ever got put down in a crib for a nap his first 6 months as I had the luxury to just pay attention and love on him all day long. The joys of a first child!

I don't let my little babies cry. I just cant do it. I have never used a cry it out method on a baby less than 12 months old. I have used it with kids older though, as i find they understand that its bedtime and i have given them everything they need and sometimes they just have to whine for 5 minutes. I still never let it go longer than about 5-10 minutes and then i go in and pick them up and calm them down. Theo and Porter both go to sleep fine though now. I don't think little babies understand crying it out and i cant do it because it breaks my heart and goes against every mothering instinct in me. Call me crazy, I know many woman would!

I don't circumcise. There is no point. I am not Jewish so there is no religious reason. Its considered a cosmetic surgery by the American association of pediatrics. If we are going to pay for a cosmetic surgery around here its going to be for me to be a tummy tuck and not to cut off part of my kids penis!

I don't immunize. Yes i know, GASP! But really I have learned all about it, read for many hours. I am not comfortable with the odds, especially on the newer ones that come out. Also Porter got really sick when immunized and had to spend time in the ER twice from it. If everyone else wants to that's fine, I just don't. I had to make a decision that I was comfortable with. I think its a personal decision for each family. I just know i couldn't sleep at night if one of my kids died or was permanently disabled from the vaccine. I know you are thinking what about the diseases. I have done my homework. Don't worry i am more comfortable with them getting the Measles, Mumbs, or Rubella than i am with them getting the MMR shot. I wont go in to any more detail on this one. Because i am pretty opinionated on it. (And i don't think most people want to hear it). but i am sick of pretending my kids got shots at their appointments when dang it they didn't and are happy and bubbly and not nursing a fever afterwards!

I am voting independent this year. I am not happy with either candidate. And why do people think we have to vote for one of them anyways? There are lots of independents, find one that fits your beliefs and vote for them. Its better than voting for someone that you hate. If everyone voted this way then maybe things would change in how the elections are held. I am so sick of the media holding debates only for the main two. Seriously enough with the black out on the other people that make more sense.

oh and my house is not always clean. In fact there is rarely a time when two rooms are spotless at the same time. I am constantly behind on laundry too. All those great housewives out there, I admire you. I get the food made and kitchen cleaned up after wards and that is about it! One day when my kids are older and not so demanding and wanting to be held all the time then maybe i will sweep and mop and vacuum every day... (maybe) :)

So i have kind of hippy attitudes on some things. But my kids watch TV and play video games ( don't worry they get in at least 30 minutes of reading a day too), Porter also goes to public school ( he needs it for the social side, and well i think i am too tired to attempt home school anyway) And I don't cloth diaper. I am too lazy i tell ya, more laundry? I am barely afloat as it is! I also don't make homemade bread every week, not because i don't love a good homemade bread but again i am too lazy! I do make my kids eat all whole wheat bread though. Kind of a stickler on that. I DO make my own baby food. I am cheap like that, and its really actually easy. If it was hard trust me i wouldn't do it!

Okay i think that is enough confessions of my true self for the day. Plus Preston is passed out from nursing while i typed this ( i totally use the computer when i am nursing, look at me all multitasking!) so I am off to be semi productive and do some laundry, maybe sweep the floor.